ACCENT

By Tracy Becker

Licensed Counselor

Tamara wrote in about feeling intimidated by others boldness and options and writes back to tell us of her success.

Tamara said that a lot of her intimidation came from her work setting, as she works in an industry that is dominated by males. She said that she often let their demands influence her, thus causing her to feel as if she didn’t know what to do to make the customer happy.
In addition, she was relying on her boss more than necessary. She also was in a bad habit of answering her work cell phone after hours and while she was on vacation. This was causing a build up of resentment and exhaustion.
Happily, Tamara reports that she got busy right away changing herself. She kept affirming to herself that she had been successful in this industry for over 20 years. She knew how to do her job, and this was evident in her bonuses and in her reviews. She also realized that she knew exactly how to solve the customers problems and just because it was an angry or frustrated male customer calling, she didn’t have to react with fear and self-doubt.
One of the most important things she did was let most of the customer calls go to her voice mail. This way she could listen to the complaint and not the anger, frustration or tone of voice. This made it easier for her to solve the problem before she ever talked to the customer. She said this has been a life saver. As in the past, when she would pick up on every call, she was often angry too and prepared to be intimidated by their demands. Thus, these conversations left both parties not feeling satisfied.
Tamara also said that she hasn’t become perfect in this yet, and sometimes she answers the phone and has the old reaction, but for the most part these times are fewer and fewer. She also wants us all to know that without some help and direction she would still be feeling a lack of success no matter what her paycheck and reviews said.
Now she is having greater ease in accepting that she is good, and maybe even great at her job.
Way to go, Tamara.

By Jack Swift

As fall turns to winter and colder weather, I start thinking about how I’m going to stay warm when the thermometer registers below zero and the wind is howling around the corners of the house. I’m stocked up on Propane, and as far as I know, the heat pump is humming along quite well. As I grow older, I dread winter more each year. It doesn’t take much for my old bones to feel the pain. And there is the added danger of falling on ice for us older folks. Having fallen a few times two or three years ago, I’m as careful as I can be. One of the falls resulted in a broken back, and another resulted in a broken left arm. Moreover, there is always the possibility that something could go wrong with our heating system. It could be that deliveries of propane or heating oil could be late due to bad roads or an ice storm could affect the electrical system.
In this column, I decided to go back in time and write about how my family dealt with cold weather in my early days. Some of my memories of the winter months (perhaps yours too) were vastly different then than now. Today, turning a knob or pushing a lever turns on and regulates the heat in many homes. When I was a youngster, it took much more work. We heated with wood or coal: sometimes both. In the early days, our heat came from a fireplace in the living room of our simple abode. If you have ever tried to get warm by a fireplace, you know it only heats one side of you at a time.
Of course, there are many fireplaces in homes nowadays, but they are much more efficient than they used to be. I think coal was sold by the ton but you could buy by a sack full. Of course, as my mother cooked on the kitchen stove, some of that heat would be felt in the living room as well. People cut wood in the summer, and many do now to prepare for the cold weather ahead. It was a good feeling to know that a good supply of wood was on hand when cold weather set in.
My room was a long way from the heat, and consequently, to combat the cold, it took at least a couple of quilts and a blanket or two to get warm. Anyway, I’m glad dealing with cold weather is better now than it was in my younger days. I think it’s good to travel back in time and remember how it was several years ago. Perhaps it will cause us to appreciate the blessings we have today.

Almost everyone has a hobby. Reading is mine. I read about many things, but science, biography and history are the subjects I prefer. Over the last several years, I have accumulated a great many books. Of course I haven’t read them all but I have read a lot of them. Occasionally I find one that is difficult for me to put down because the more I read it, the more interesting it becomes.
I found just such a book as I was browsing through my books the other day. The book’s title was Men Who Made A New Physics. The author, Barbara Lovett Cline, did an outstanding job of pointing out the great discoveries in science through the years and the scientists who made them. She wrote that the renouned physicist Albert Einstein and his contemporary Niels Bohr were a number of years at odds about the basic structure of matter but both contributed greatly to the field of science.
Einstein of course discovered both the special and general Theories of Relativity while Bohr delved into the subatomic structure of the atom. Much of their work took place during the first 30 years of the 1900s.
Einstein’s general theory says that energy equals mass times the speed of light squared. Light travels at 186,000 per second. Bohr, on the other hand, delved into the structure of the atom and came up with the Quantum Theory.
At one time the atom was thought to be the smallest particle but Bohr’s work indicates that there are particles much smaller. Large cyclotrons are now being used to find various particles.
There was some controversy about whether matter consisted as a wave or in a particle state. Now it is thought to depend on the circumstances as to which one more accurately describes it. Of course, there were many other great men who contributed to the advance of science.
The new physics contrasts somewhat with Isaac Newton’s work, especially on large-scale applications.
The book, Men Who Made A New Physics, was truly and interesting read.

Football has already begun. It seems to have just slipped up on me. After all Baseball is still in full swing. So now, there are two major sports to be entertained by and others as well. As baseball winds up to the ultimate destiny of the World Series, football will be on its way to the Super Bowl in professional football and conference championships in college and high school play.
As a youngster, I followed the exploits of The Tennessee Volunteers on our Philco table model radio. Television would be far in the future. Before I owned a football, the neighborhood kids and I played with a cylinder-shaped oatmeal can. I don’t remember when I got my first real football, but I know I was a happy Kid. The era of Volunteer Football I enjoyed most was when such stars as Hank Lauricella, Johnny Majors, George Cafego and others were going strong at UT.
After serving in the Army, I worked at a number of jobs. But, in 1973 I found myself working at The Tomahawk newspaper, a weekly paper with a long and interesting history. The paper was owned and operated by Derl McCloud and his late wife Gladys. Over the years, the paper was sold a couple of times. I covered sports as well as a few other tasks around the newspaper. Before long I was named sports editor and began a 30-year career in that field at the Tomahawk.
I guess the fans got used to seeing me run up and down the sidelines taking notes and snapping pictures of the action in football. I also covered basketball, golf, tennis and baseball. Those were the days of film cameras. I used a Monolta film camera for several years, but while I was a bit dubious about digital cameras, after I started using one, I was sold on them.
My time at the Tomahawk was a valuable experience for me. I worked over time with some of the nicest people you could find anywhere. I am extremely grateful to those who I have worked for over the years. I have written over 700 columns, since I started writing them in 2003. I hope to continue awhile longer as my health permits.

Good day, Rebecca. Thank you for this question. I could answer this one in very few words, yet I know you and others are requesting more
.
Sometimes friendships grow apart. I want you to know, this is okay. I would highly recommend that you have no demanding people in your life at all.
Some may feel shocked by this statement, others who have cleaned up their relationships will be rooting me on.

Healthy boundaries! Healthy boundaries! Healthy Boundaries!

Healthy boundaries are what I am talking about. People that choose to allow or invite in people that only lift them up, support them, put the effort into understanding them, and in-kind ways challenge them are the happiest, most fulfilled and satisfied people.

People that challenge you through fear, guilt or shame are teaching you that you have some personal areas of your life that need tending to. I would have you imagine a healthy thriving garden, and anyone who wants to bring fear, guilt or shame (emotional words for demanding) into your life are the weeds.

You must first deal with your own proclivity to be willing to have people like this in your life. Next, be willing to shift your life perspective and the people that you have allowed in, or have allowed to stay as you have grown and evolved as a human.

My recommendation to you Rebecca is to tell your demanding friend that the way they speak to you, or the things that they ask of you are not reasonable. They don’t feel kind or loving, and they don’t take into account your personal priorities.

If you value this person, you can attempt to redirect their approach with you and watch if they are willing to make necessary changes to be in relationship with you. If after a certain time they show themselves to be selfish and continue to be demanding, you need to move on and let go. They are ultimately telling you they want it their way and are not interested in you as you are.

I know its difficult. I have done it many times, but if you continue to practice self-love you will know what’s right for you to do.

All the best,
Tracy